How it all started..

It's been a long journey since the day I decided to go abroad to pursue further studies. It's June08, and looking back, it's been a year from the day I started perusing countless websites and buying my first GMAT book.

Ever the dreamer who likes to reminisce about the good 'ole days, I thought it would be even better if I could write everything down so that I could reminisce in detail when I'm old, wrinkly and bored.

Phase 1 - Realization & Research
Time taken: About 3 months
It dawns on you one day that you want to go for an MBA. So you start researching on the programs available and poring over thousands of websites, trying to figure out which school you actually feel you would 'fit' well with... all from a computer screen. Obviously we are all being superficial here, judging the webpage interface, layouts and pictures of current / ex-students put up by the schools.
You narrow down the list, discuss with family and friends, consult rankings and change your mind a gazillion times. I'm still changing my mind now!

Phase 2 - GMAT
Time taken: About 1.5 months
Damage: $375(exam fee) + about $120 (books)
This is the easiest part of the whole process... and it isn't easy at all!!! I say easy because it's pretty straightforward. You buy the books, you rush home, you study, you freak out, you complain, you study somemore, take the practice test, freak out again... and you get the gist. But the thing is, we're all good at studying, it's what we've been trained to do our whole lives, so it's really not too bad. The only tough part was understanding the test and how it was set, as well as trying to train yourself to get a hold on your nerves. Nerves of STEEL!!! That's what got me through the actual test. That and granola bars.

Phase 3 - Recommendations
Time taken: About 2 months
Damage: Emotional wellbeing
Recommendations being the only part of the application which you have absolutely no control of, force you to decide on the schools that you are going to apply to at least 3-4 months in advance.
After forcing yourself to produce a list of confirmed schools, or so you think, comes the buttering up process. You first approach your 2 recommenders, share your goals with them, talk to them, establish some sort of friendly tone about it, along with a veeeeery gentle hint of the HUGE favour you are about to ask of them in the weeks to come. 2 weeks later, you print out the recommendation forms, and approach them again... once again trying to be friendly and cheerful and bubbly about it... then you return to your seat and send out 5 recommendation forms!! And then you thank your lucky stars that your bosses are nice people and appreciate what you have done at work.
Unfortunately that's not the end of this phase... a couple weeks later, you start imagining the worst and find yourself praying hard that they will write you constructive pieces that will actually help your application, and not send you to your MBA death.......

Phase 4 - Procrastination
Time taken: As long as you like
This is when you take the time to catch up on all that work you've neglected! Trust me, by now it is a mountain as tall as yourself and the grouchiness begins to sink in and you find that even though you're supposed to work, your mind still wanders to the possibility that you could be in another country in less than a year.
You also take this time to catch up with the friends you have so mercilessly shoved out of your life and proceed to bombard them with your dull and dreary tales of Phase 1-3 of the application process. In detail.
And of course throughout this phase, you justify your unproductive self by thinking of your essay topics whenever you can - on the bus, whilst brushing your teeth, whilst you pee, whilst your friends are talking to you, when your client is discussing issues, at training workshops, when your boyfriend is telling you about his day...

Phase 5 - Essays
Time taken: 3 weeks
Damage: Sleep, self-confidence
After months of living, breathing and sleeping essay thoughts, it finally occurs to you that you actually have to write those essays! You open the word document where you have compiled all those essay questions from each school and you stare blankly at the screen for 1 hour. Then you read blogs, watch tv, talk to your sister... and return to staring at the screen for another hour. Then you call your friend who is applying as well, whine for an hour on how tough these essays are, and it's time for dinner! So the cycle goes.. until you find you only have a week left. PANIC! You type like a maniac and find that hey, it wasn't so hard after all... the words are flowing out of me like diarrhea!! You finish those essays 3 days before the submission deadline, send them round to anybody you can grab ahold of and ask for advice. Then you re-write and re-send for more advice. Repeat about 5 times.
The madness of this phase is not funny! Essays are the cruellest process of all. 5 insane questions per school, multiplied by 5 schools...... *faint*
And the insecurity you feel with your essays is horrible. With schools telling you to 'just be yourself' and 'don't write to impress us, write to tell us who you are', you start questioning whether who you are is good enough, is it what they're looking for, and how will I compare to the 5000 other applicants from all over the world????!!!!!!

Phase 6 - Submission of applications
Time taken: 3 sleepless nights per round
Damage: $370 per application x 3 (OUCH!)
This is a mad scramble to the finish line. You realize that you have to survive on 3 hrs of sleep a day, juggling work and the applications, fine-tuning the details, over-analyzing everything and perpetually convinced that you are going to collapse in a heap soon when your brain figures out that it has been lacking oxygen for the past 24 hours. You question why you have dug yourself such a giant-gantic hole full of crap! Why didn't you do this 40 days ago????!!! Why didn't you stay home for X'mas and New Year's and work on these unforgiving, tedious forms???
After completing 1 application, you pat yourself on the back for it, return to work and find an even stinkier pile of crap in your outlook inbox, smugly laughing at how they were so smart to appear all at the same time, each containing eager requests from 10 different clients as part of their new year's resolutions to make you work 50 times harder!
You grit your teeth, work like the tasmanian devil and reach higher levels of efficiency than you ever would have expected of yourself.
Then comes the deadline of your 2nd school right round the corner.
Again, you repeat the above 3 times.

Phase 7 - Waiting
Time taken: Foreverrr............
You stumble upon MBA blogs and you turn monster green with envy at the scores of people who have already been admitted to your dream schools in Round 1. You tear yourself apart for the mistakes you made in your application... and you still don't stop thinking of essay topics... only now you are thinking of alternatives to the ones you already submitted!!
You scour forums looking for information on how many people have received interview invites... and you get so distracted and frustrated at yourself that you're not a high-caliber professional from Goldman Sachs and that no, you havent' changed the world.
Then it also sinks in that you being the greedy person you are, chose only top-tier schools and despite all the effort, hard work, blood, sweat and money that you threw at the admissions comms, you hardly stand a chance of getting in to any of the schools!!!!!
Arrrrrghhh.... and you find yourself spiralling into the whirlpool of agonizing scenario painting - what do you do if you don't get into any school? Scenario 1 - stay at your job, apply next year. Scenario 2 - quit your job, try to do your own thing. Scenario 3 - ask for a transfer to another department. Scenario 4 - Begin a job search in earnest to find opportunities just in case.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg for phase 7. Two more very long, drawn out, aimless months to go.

Still to come:
Phase 8 - Interviews (If i get any)
Phase 9 - Waiting again
Phase 10 - Application result
Phase 11 - Preparing to go / Moping around depressed for 60 days
Phase 12 - Off to school! / Whining and sobbing for another 60 days

I guess this is part of Phase 7.... where I blog about what I've been through so far in efforts to distract myself. I also wanted to put this down in writing so that years later I can look back and remember the torture that I put myself through when I was young, dumb and foolish.

Anyways, whether I get in or not, whether I eventually do an MBA, the process has definitely kept me focused for the past year. I don't think I would be still be at my job if not for this whole MBA thing. And of course, through the essay writing, I have been forced to do a lot of reflection and soul-searching, not that I don't on a regular basis, but having to package it and sell it has actually helped me to see the things I've achieved, and given me some form of self-confidence which I dont' think I had before.

So yeah, if I don't go, it's like I paid for a self-taught confidence course. Ha ha. In the end I still gain right?

Total Time Taken To Apply: 6 months
Total Damage: About S$1,300, approximately 3 friends, 200 strands of hair (60 dropped out on their own, the other 140 strands were pulled out)
Total Gains: 5 wrinkles, 4Kg, 1 MBA applicant friend